The Lost Boy
by power.in.a.pen
Summary: Jesse relives some of his memories growing up. Because that is what you do when you lose someone important. Someone who changed the world around you simply because she could.


_**I know I know... Dark, sad and a little OOC. It's mostly a fic between Jesse and Beca with BeChloe and Jaubrey sidenotes. I highly recommend you listen to the song "The Lost Boy" by Greg Holden before you read this. Will set the tone.**_

Chloe buried her face in my wife's shoulder. Tears freely falling. She wasn't the only one involved in a scene like this. While Aubrey knew how to attempt to calm Chloe down, all efforts were lost when her tears started falling too. I just felt numb to it all. It couldn't be like this. Beca Mitchell was the best gangster around. She never got caught, she never got hurt, and she accomplished every goal. So how did she wind up in this coffin?

"I think she wanted to go." Chloe said softly.

"No Chloe, she didn't. You two were in a very rough spot. That doesn't mean she wanted to die Chloe. You of all people should know better than that. Beca loved life. She was good at what she did and she loved you." Aubrey patted Chloe's back while I went over to the casket.

I pulled a picture out of my wallet. It was of Beca and I at around thirteen. Just before we got involved in the gang stuff.

_"Jesse, come on. My auntie says we can watch a scary movie tonight if you want to." she pedaled her bike ahead of mine._

_"Your auntie happens to be my mom Beca!" I hollered standing up on my bike to catch up to her._

_The race home was on. It was a daily thing for us since Beca came to live there. Whichever one of us pulled into the yard last was on dish duty. I was just about to cut her off and head into the yard when her tire slid out. Our bikes collided and we became a tangled mess in the front yard. My mom came out and took pictures of us. It was a tie, we both did dishes that night._

I laid it beside her. "You know, this is one thing you didn't have to beat me to cousin." I whispered as I finally let a tear fall.

As the rest of the pallbearers and family drifted in, Chloe remained in the back, not wanting to be disturbed. I went and sat with her.

"You holding up okay Chloe?" she shook her head.

"I never knew her story Jess. That's what all the fighting has been about lately. I know nothing of her before I came along. It was like her past never existed. How can you live with someone, marry them and never tell them a little piece of your past? What happened to her parents?"

"Her parents were pathetic excuses for people. They brought her to visit us one day and never came back for her. My mom took her on, and we grew up together." More tears from the redhead. I pulled her in. "Beca has a really dark past, and with you she wanted that bright future. I think she separated the two so that you wouldn't see how damaged she thought she was. Does that make sense?" she nodded. My mom headed over to me.

"Jess, they want to close the casket soon. Why don't you take Chloe and go see her one last time?" I nodded.

Her gang symbol was visible. I knew she'd want it that way. Her arm was flipped up too, revealing the tattoo she had of Chloe's name on the smooth underside of her forearm.

_"Beca, are we really sure we want to be doing this?" I asked nervously, shouldering my bag._

_She pulled on a sweater and put a hat over the shaggy brown mop she called her hair. "Yes. We can't turn back now Jesse. They know everything. Where we live, our family, our friends. I'm sorry we got into this in the first place, but now... We're stuck, so we best get good at this stuff." for fifteen she was sure convincing._

_When we got there, the leader of our guys, Bumper was there. _

_"Here, take this. Use it. One of my guys is driving. Fucking crew across town decided my neighborhood would make for good target practice, so I'm repaying the favor." He held up a picture of some kid not much older than Beca and I. "He's the target. Now go with Donald."Beca and I took the new guns we were just given and tucked them in our belts. _

Beca had gotten the target that night. I shot through a couple car windows. Nothing too big. When we got initiated, Beca pulled me aside.

_"You'll always be my back up. Not that I'll ever need it, partner." she mussed my hair and went and got another drink._

Tears were now freely falling from my face. Chloe took my hand.

"She loved you Jesse, more than anything. More than me, or the jobs... You were her reason."

The funeral director came in. "It's time. I'm sorry." I nodded and stepped back.

_Beca had just come home. She was on a trip for Bumper. By now my mom had so much going on that I don't think she even noticed when we were gone. If she did she never said anything. She threw me a freezer bag stuffed full of weed. _

_"That's ours, stash it. Bumper wants the rest of it moved by Thursday." She opened her suitcase and revealed to me at least four or five more of them. I nodded. "I tried to find them Jesse, I am always trying. They don't want to be found though. Why did they leave me here?" I pulled her in for a hug. _

_"So that we could take care of you and you could feel what it's like to really be loved."_

I was a pallbearer, and so was my father. Beca's friends Cynthia Rose and Ashley were also pallbearers. Chloe took her place with my mother at the front of the procession and the four of us lifted the small casket. As it rested on my shoulder, I sucked back my tears.

_"Jesse, there was this girl tonight..." she said as we climbed out onto the roof to smoke a joint._

_"Did you save her Beca? Pull her from the party and make sure she didn't get hit?" I joked. _

_"Actually, yes. She was too pretty. She has no ink, so she's not affiliated, maybe just associated. Friends with the other guys. I'll change that though, she's mine now." _

Chloe had been a hang around with the other gang in town. Beca was right. She was just something for the guys to look at and play with. When she told Beca that, she had flown off the handle.

_"You aren't going back there! You're with me now and that means that no one else gets to 'play' with you. I don't care what you say. It's a finished conversation." Beca had told her._

_"I'm not your possession, regardless of what you think. You think you're some tough bad bitch who can push me around?" Beca's jaw dropped. "You aren't. Your cocky attitude and your 'I get what I want' stance on life is about to change if you plan on being with me. I'm no one's girl to command. I'm a grown ass woman and I make my own decisions. Understood?" Beca just dropped her head and nodded. This girl was special. She defeated Beca in an argument, something even I had yet to accomplish._

As I walked Beca down the aisle of the church, I saw so many kids. Kids that looked up to Beca, kids that she helped. See, once we were in the life Beca was determined to make sure the rest of the kids in our neighborhood didn't follow suit. When they would come up to her, she would tell them that it was very important that they never get involved with Bumper. Lots of them were already thinking about it. She convinced most of them to stay away. The ones that she couldn't keep out she protected. She was a hero to them. All of them. The thing about Beca was that she didn't realize the effect she had on people. She changed them instantly.

_"What's it all for Jess? Me keeping these kids away from Bump. I'm going to pay for it eventually. I just don't know when." I heard her phone go off._

_"Yeah, what? Bumper, please. I'm coming over now." she hung up with a grim look. "He has Chloe. I guess I'm paying for it now."_

She was never right after that. She was doing her own jobs, having walked away from Bumper and the gang. I had managed to get out clean, as Bumper had no use for me once the drugs were flowing properly.

_She looked up at me. Beca was scared and that was an emotion I had never seen. _

_"I'm no one's bitch Jesse. I'm not going to let anyone control me. Right? I said that years ago and I meant it. I'm going out. I love you cousin." she kissed my cheek and left._

That was the last time anyone saw her alive. She didn't shoot herself, Bumper was in custody for pulling the trigger, but she went to him to die. No matter what Aubrey says. Beca lost her soul over the years, and she couldn't live without it. Beca's whole life was soul.

_"Promise me something?" she asked me looking up from her position on the bed._

_"Anything Beck. What's up?" _

_"Take care of Chloe when I die. Everyone knows I'm the first one down Jess."_

_"I will cousin. But you'll be around forever. You're like Peter Pan." _

_"Nah, one day I'll be gone. Like a lost boy."_


End file.
